Cool Feedback on Cool Final Draft

Hi everyone,

Here's the feedback on the final draft of your project. I've organized it by section, like last time, with some general comments at the end. You'll have to respond to this feedback fairly quickly, of course, since the final project is due on Thursday, but if you have any questions about these comments, don't hesitate to email me at thibert2@uiuc.edu, and I'll make a point of getting back to you quickly. We hope you find this feedback helpful, and thanks for all the hard work you've been putting in on this project.

By the way, you are all incredibly cool, and not just because of the coolest team name in the history of team names.

All the best,
Jeff

Introduction
You might want to make the connection between the text and the diagram a little more specific. For example, you could say that the blue dots represent the nodes and the lines represent the ties between those nodes. Also, I'm wondering if this diagram is particularly helpful, so you might want to give it a couple more sentences in the Introduction to explain why it makes the idea of social networks clearer.

When you say, "This is..." you might want to be more specific. You could say, "This wiki is..." and you might separate this out, since this is where you move from the general introduction to the concept of social networking to the specific purpose of this project. Also this sentence is a little unclear to me. Are you just examining the communication ties in this project? It seems the focus is more on the social/cultural factors and digital technologies that are contributing to the further development of social networking, and the educational possibilities and challenges of this development. This sentence is serving as a one-sentence summing up of the purpose of the project, so make it as clear as possible, and make it stand out.

Now the second paragraph seems to define a social network again--didn't you do this in the first paragraph? You might want to integrate these. You might add the sentence on what social networking means in a technological sense to the first paragraph, to clarify the kind of social networking you'll be primarily examining in the project.

I like the third paragraph, with the examples of social networks that use technology. (Do be sure that these are explained a bit further later in the wiki.) You might consider adding a paragraph in here that explains why the project is organized in the way it is--"First, we will examine social and cultural changes and contextual factors because..." and so forth. Also, you might emphasize that last sentence, since the thesis of the project is that social networking offers both educational possibilities and challenges for education. (And in fact you might even reveal the overall stance you're taking in the project...you might say something like, social networking offers a number of exciting possibilities for educational practice, but educational policy must change to take these possibilities into account while also recognizing the challenges that social networking presents. This may not be your position, of course, but I imagine you see what I'm getting at.)

Remember, it's helpful if your Intro, aside from generally introducting the concept of social networking, can address three questions: WHAT is the purpose of this project? HOW are you going to organize the project (and why are you organizing it this way)? And WHY are you pursuing this project--what is your thesis--what position are you advancing? You'll then want to reinforce your thesis in the conclusion to the project, where you drive home your point. It helps here to think of this wiki as a long-form group essay (which is how you should be thinking of it), where you're introducing a topic, gathering material, and advancing an argument that should be threaded throughout.

Social and Cultural Changes and Contextual Factors
Changing Communication Style
The content is helpful, but I'm not sure what it's saying about how communication styles have changed. What style of communication is represented by the Internet social networks as opposed to older forms of social networks? It seems that you want to say here that, while social networks have always been around (people have always been social and have always linked up in various networks socially), the communication style that forms those networks has changed; but I'm not sure this point gets across in this section.

Social/Economic/Cultural Patterns
Now this is really a section about 'niche social networks,' not (it seems) about social/economic/cultural patterns. How, then, does this actually reflect changing social/economic/cultural patterns and their influence on the development of social networking technologies?

Emphasis on the Individual, the Collective
This section could use a bit more critique, I think. It seems you're saying that social networking technologies reveal an emphasis on the individual and an emphasis on the collective. What do you think about this? Is Facebook just a site for people to talk about themselves? Is it a site for people to network? Both? Don't be afraid to get critical (in the 'critique' sense of the word).

Ability of Access and Populations
I'm not sure how ability of access and populations (in fact, I'm not clear on what this title means) connects to the security issues you bring up in this section. It's true that educators need to take into account that students will need to know how to use technology, but how does this relate to social networking specifically, and how does it relate to "Legal Restriction, Digital Divide, Technophobia"?

Need for Security
Good information here, though you might expand on that last sentence a bit. Why will there always be that dichotomy? What should we do about it, in your opinion? However, I'm wondering why this section is under social/cultural changes and contextual factors? This seems like it might fit under educational challenges, or perhaps under 'digital technologies and their uses.' Is the need for security on social networking sites connected to a social/cultural change?

Importance in the Everyday
Here I assume you're trying to show how social networking technologies have impacted various sectors of society, like business, medicine, etc. As you point out, though, this gets more attention in the "Uses" section--so do you need it here? Is there a larger social/cultural change that is represented by the uses you're mentioning here? Does it have to be in this section at all? I think if you do believe that these uses connect to larger changes/contexts, then you might want to develop this point more here.

Significance and Self-Perpetuation
I see how this relates--showing how social networking is integrating itself in society--and you may want to say more here. How is this expansion changing society, changing culture, changing the way people communicate?

Some General Comments on This Section
First, I'd suggest that you propose some way of tying the subsections in this section together--you've got some pieces here, but they're not necessarily linked up. You might introduce this section by saying, "There are X key issues to consider regarding social/cultural change and social networking..." or something like that. Something that ties this together, like you would in any essay.

Also, recall that this section of the wiki is dealing with social/cultural changes and context. Generally, throughout this part, I'm not seeing ties made between the information and larger social/cultural changes. Recall that you want to discuss how society and culture have influenced the development of social networking technologies AND how the social networking technologies have led to changes in society and culture. For instance, perhaps Facebook is rooted in a kind of individualism, but where does this individualism come from? Is this part of a social trend? Are societies that are known for being more 'collective' less interested in Facebook? Are sites like Facebook making societies more individualized? Also, why are people turning to social networking sites for communicating with others, rather than focusing on social networks at home, in neighborhoods, at work? Is this indicative of a social/cultural change? There's some good information here, but I'm not sure if it's apparent how it all links to the bigger topic of this section. The individual/collective bit and the self-perpetuation bit seem to be right in this section, but there could be more on how/why the interaction between society/culture and social networking technologies is proceeding in certain ways. I think there's a lot more that could be said here, potentially.

Digital Technologies and Their Uses
The intro is interesting, but it's odd how the section on digital technologies and their uses starts off with an introduction that doesn't mention technology at all, really. This seems like information that might fit better under the social/cultural context section, because digital social networks fit into the more traditional kinds of social networking you're mentioning here. So this introduction doesn't really introduce this specific section, it seems.

Uses of various methods...
This is a brief history of social networking, and technology does come in here at the end; but again, if you're going to give this history in the section called "Digital Technologies and Their Uses," it should be clear how the history connects to this. Perhaps you might say, "Before discussing how digital technologies have been used in social networking, we want to offer a brief history of social networking, so that..." and then explain why the history makes sense here. I can see why a history might be valuable, but be sure that you make that clear to the reader (and also consider whether it makes more sense at this point in the wiki-essay or closer to the beginning, perhaps as a way of establishing context).

Digital technology and how it supports...
This section needs to be cleaned up a bit. Also, what are the digital technologies that led to the rise of digital social networking? It seems that here you might give the contemporary history of social networking--how did Facebook and MySpace get so popular, for example? You might get into this later, but then you could say that here. Also, how did the 'gadgets' REPLACE old systems of communication? Try to be a little more specific here--it seems that you're making some sweeping claims, and it'd help to have a specific idea or two to clarify. (And I'm not sure if old systems have been replaced completely...)

Examples...
I think this is all quite good, though as I read it, I'm thinking that this is the kind of thing I'd expect under social/cultural changes and context, because you're basically saying how these particular practices/contexts have been changed by social networking technologies. Perhaps your first major section and your second major section could be integrated or reorganized a bit. Up to you. Some of the information here could be a bit more specific--when did MySpace start, who started it, do you have a quote for the specific purpose behind starting MySpace? The games that involve social networking go far beyond dungeons and dragons, though that's a helpful example.

Effectiveness of...
Do you mean 'effects of' here?

It seems that this could be a bit more developed...it might be interesting to give a few specific examples of how technology has opened up a social network...you could talk about how technologies like Facebook and MySpace have changed the way that people form social networks, for instance. Remember, we're not just talking about communication here but also the way people form social networks. How have technologies affected the way that people are social? (Again, this might make more sense in the changes/context section.)

Problems with digital technology...
It strikes me that this could be more developed (remember that security section from earlier...). Could you give specific examples here of security problems? How is this being dealt with? Maybe you'll explain this more as an 'educational challenge,' but then you should say that. Also, could there be problems with how digi tech changes the way that people are interact? Could anyone consider it a problem that people are networking more online than in person? Is this even really happening? These are the kinds of issues you might raise here...

Educational Opportunities and Possibilities with Social Networking
First off, what's the difference between an opportunity and a possibility?

Edu Opps
Literacy skills are social skills, you say. Are they JUST social skills? General statements like this may or may not be true, but you've got to be sure to support them well. It would seem that social networking, too, would allow people to be responsible for one another's learning, rather than just their own. Aren't people already responsible (to an extent) for their own learning? Is responsibility an edu opp just brought on by soc net? You might expand on what Patarakin says...HOW does soc net assist with teaching those skills?

We have privacy/security raised again here...now is this an edu opp? Is this an edu challenge? If security has already been discussed, do we need it again here? Maybe you're talking about security in an edu context specifically, but then I'm not sure why this fits under opportunities.

I think the connecting classrooms section is good--a clear example of ways in which social networking can offer edu opportunities. The collaborative projects section is good, too (though the web-based data sharing section is slim). You might consider doing more brainstorming about opportunities. Do you think there are any other opps? Could facebook be used in a certain way, for instance? And what about your experiences with this class? Did you see the use of blogs/wikis as an opportunity, a challenge? Don't forget to be critical throughout.

The possibilities you mention here seem like they could also be called opportunities. I'm not sure why these are separated out. If you have a reason, cool, just be sure to explain it (here, again, is why an intro at the beginning of each section could help).

The future tech advances section is interesting, though not specifically educational. Perhaps you could blend this in with the hypothesis section, or perhaps it would fit better in the section where you're talking about the history/contemporary situation of social networking.

I like the idea of the hypothesis section, though I think a lot of what you say here was mentioned earlier, in the sections on specific technologies and the edu opportunities they provide. The hypothesis could be integrated throughout this opp/poss section--I would think a hypothesis would offer a number of possibilities, for instance.

Educational Challenges with Social Networking
Access
This is a great summary of digital divide/access/equity issues, but you might want to connect this more specifically to social networking, or you might even just link to the wiki for the Digital Divide group, where the issue's explained in more detail. Access is a key issue--I'm not arguing that--clearly any possibilities that soc net offers for education are irrelevant if schools don't have the computers to access that technology. But you should probably connect what you've got here more explicitly to social networking.

References

General Comments
Be sure that you think of the whole wiki as a long essay, and the sections within the wiki as mini-essays that, together, comprise the longer essay. Maybe you could think of them as chapters. So, just like you presumably would in an essay, you should be sure that you have clear topic statements, theses, etc. Be sure that each section and subsection has a clear and distinct point that it's trying to make (there should be a reason that you've chosen to make this its own section rather than folding it into other sections) that also contributes to the larger point of the wiki-essay. Don't be afraid to have an editor or two go through the project and adjust people's writing, or add clarifying sentences here and there, to give the project a prominent structure and a smooth flow, so that it really does read like a long essay. This would be an especially helpful thing to do between now and Thursday, since it's unlikely that you'll have much time to add new content (i.e., do more research) between now and then. We're using a wiki format here precisely because it easily allows for collaboration, so take advantage of that.

Be sure that the title of a subsection/section matches up with what's going on in that section. At points, the section titles are pretty broad, while the actual content of the section is pretty specific. So be sure that the content of a section is clearly tied to what that section is supposed to be about (based on the title). And don't be afraid to change titles, of course, if you have to. You don't have to stick to the original outline if it doesn't seem appropriate anymore.

While you should, I think, have one or two people focus on Editing the whole wiki-essay, be sure that all of you actually read this through to see how it flows, and send each other feedback. You may already be doing this, of course, but I think the feedback you could give to one another (especially in light of what you've just read here) would be just as helpful as the feedback we've given above.